Customers today have endless ways to solve their problems without speaking to a human being. Most of the time, if they’re connecting with an agent directly, they’re not in the best mood. They’re frustrated, exhausted, and maybe a little combative, and unfortunately, many customer service agents don’t know what to say to angry customers.
Spoiler: just telling them to “calm down” doesn’t work. That phrase (while innocuous) often triggers the “reactance effect” – an instinctual resistance people feel when their sense of control is threatened or their concerns seem to be dismissed.
Over time, calls escalate more often. Escalations mean longer resolutions and lower satisfaction scores. Anxiety spills over into the workforce because agents feel cornered, and emotion hijacks logic.
So, what’s the right way to speak to a customer who’s far from happy?
What to Say to Angry Customers: 7 Defusing Phrases
So, “calm down” won’t work – but what will? Basically, anything that makes them feel heard, respected, and understood. Here are some practical phrases to embed into the de-escalation techniques customer service teams might already use:
1. “That sounds really frustrating.”
Opening with recognition helps. Callers feel acknowledged. That simple nod shifts the tone. Callers don’t feel like their emotions are being belittled or ignored. The agent is actively validating them. Customers can start to think more logically, because they’ve made their point emotionally.
Alternative (but similar phrases include):
- I’d feel the same in your position
- I can see your point there
- I understand why you’re upset about this
2. “We want to fix this just as much as you do.”
Sometimes, knowing what to say to angry customers means reinforcing a sense of collaboration – like this phrase does. It shifts blame and drama toward alignment. It also shows that the customer service agent isn’t trying to pass the buck to someone else, or imply it’s not their responsibility to deal with the issue.
Other ways to say this include:
- Thanks for letting us know about that, we definitely need to fix it
- We’re sorry about that, let’s try and get this issue solved
3. “Here’s what we know, what we’ve done, and what we can do…”
Agitated customers want clarity, about what happened, why it happened, and what’s being done to resolve it. The best customer service professionals explain in three steps:
- What we know: We see your systems went down at 3 p.m. due to a technical fault with our server, and you’ve been experiencing issues since.
- What we’ve done: We’ve already got a technician working on the problem, and the server is now functional, but we’re still troubleshooting issues.
- What we will do: We’ll make a note on your file and run some additional checks. Our team will inform you immediately when the issue is resolved.
4. “I understand, other customers have had a similar problem, here’s what they found worked…”
This “Feel, Felt, Found” approach builds empathy and a sense of community. It shows customers that they’re not alone in facing an issue, and helps them to see that the company they’re contacting has already helped others resolve the problem.
An example:
- Feel: I see how you feel. I hate it when I can’t log into my account.
- Felt: Some of our other customers have reported login issues, too.
- Found: They found that restarting the app helped solve the problem. Have you tried that?
5. “Here’s what I can do…”
Confidence is key in knowing what to say to angry customers. Saying “the best I can do is get a technician to call you back,” sounds hesitant and invites escalation. Customer service agents should say exactly what they can do, and how it’s going to help.
For example “What I can do for you right now is pass this issue over to our technical team, they’ll be in touch within the next hour with an update. In the meantime, I’ll add a credit to your account for the inconvenience.”
6. “Are you able to…”
Often, a customer will need to do something on their side for a problem to be fixed, like sharing their serial number, account details, or refreshing an application. Rather than using direct statements like “I need you to give me your…” it’s helpful to switch to polite questions like:
- Are you able to grab your serial number for me?
- Could you just switch your computer off and on again for a moment?
- Would you be able to give me a moment to check on that?
7. “Could I try…”
When customers feel powerless, giving them options restores a sense of control. These kinds of phrases are particularly helpful when “troubleshooting” an issue that doesn’t have a clear solution:
- Could I try speaking to my colleague, they may have another idea?
- I have another option we could try; would you be open to that?
- I could do [action] but it might take a moment, would you mind waiting a moment, or would you like a call back?
Even if the options are limited, demonstrating effort helps customers calm down and feel supported.
Best Practices for De-escalating Angry Customers
Knowing what to say to angry customers is just the first step. Customer support agents also need to know what to do to help de-escalate the issue. Often that means using active listening techniques, empathy, and emotional control.
Stay Calm and Practice Active Listening
Remaining composed sets the tone. It’s easy for agents to get upset when they’re being yelled at, but responding defensively usually makes the issue worse. Train employees to take a couple of deep breaths if they’re feeling attacked, and tell them to focus on active listening. They should let callers speak uninterrupted, using occasional cues like “I see” and “that makes sense.”
Track Tone, Then Pivot to Solutions
Agents should be experts at tuning into tone, intent, and sentiment, even if they occasionally need help from analytical tools. Responding to tone doesn’t mean showing anger back to an angry customer, it means demonstrating empathy, then guiding the conversation towards resolution.
Simple framing tweaks can help:
- Use positive, reassuring language: “Absolutely” instead of “No problem.”
- Avoid negative statements like “That’s against policy.” Instead, say: “What I can do is…”
Use Templates, but Personalize Them
Templates speed up responses, but they only work when they’re used thoughtfully. Customers still want personalized service, even when they’re making a complaint or reporting an issue.
Agents should tailor templates with names, issue specifics, and a human touch. Give them access to useful insights from CRM tools to help tailor each interaction.
Think Critically
Agents should understand that an angry customer isn’t necessarily angry at “them” – they’re frustrated by the situation. Their focus shouldn’t be on protecting themselves, but figuring out what the customer actually needs.
Do they want a refund, or do they just want someone to validate their experience? A good way to find out a customer’s motivation is to restate what they said and what they might mean by it: “I understand you’ve been unable to use your subscription, would a refund help with this?”
Leverage Analytics and Voice of the Customer (VoC) Data
Not sure which frustrated issues crop up most? VoC analytics pull in feedback from surveys, chat, calls, social, and help center tickets.
AI-powered sentiment analysis flags negative experiences automatically. That means agents and supervisors can proactively address hot spots before they escalate. Using data is a good way to improve self-help resources and identify recurring problems, so they’re less likely to happen again in future. A more proactive approach means less time teaching agents what to say to angry customers.
Turning Angry Customers Into Long-Term Advocates
Customers won’t magically calm down. What works is a conversation built on validation and structure, packaged in calm, purposeful phrases and backed by smart tools.
Train teams on what to say to angry customers, but also show them how to manage their own emotions, stay calm, listen actively, and personalize the experience. At the same time, take advantage of the tools that can help businesses stay one step ahead of recurring problems.
Every company will deal with angry customers at some point. The key is knowing how to de-escalate the situation and turn an irate caller into a long-term advocate.
